Are you a worrywart, a gloomy Gus or a cynic? Just how often does that naysayer in your head contribute not only to how you feel but also gives you the wrong direction: sending you on a road to nowhere.
I don’t know about you, but that inner critic has told me 1000s of times that my thoughts are rubbish, I’m an impostor, I don’t have the skills and my decisions suck. Well, here is some food for thought.
I know I’m my worst critic and turning off this inner chatter box has never been easy. So here are four things I do to help myself re-frame my thoughts towards a more positive mindset.
1. Sometimes it is as simple as taking 10 tiny breaths to even out the moment in your head. It works because you are thinking of breathing and not what your critic just told you. By taking that moment, you have broken the chain of unhelpful thoughts which can lead you to more negative thoughts.
2. I bring what Ethan Kross, an America experimental psychologist and neuroscientist, says about our minds with this inspiring quote: "The mind is flexible, if we know how to bend it. If you have a fever, you can take something to bring it down. Likewise, our mind has a psychological immune system: We can use our thoughts to change our thoughts—by adding distance." His book: Chatter - the voice in our head, why it matters and how to harness it, is an bestseller for a reason.
He says we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. We want out inner coach to buoy us up , but often the inner critic wins.
3. Using some of the free science based tools that are available on the internet, can help you replace the negative thoughts with more helpful alternatives. How we interpret a situation influences how we behave and how we feel.
The basic premise of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy helps you to consider your thoughts and is based on how realistic it is, the emotions you feel, your levels of self-compassion, and your resulting behavior.
Positive Psychology's method is a great start: Can you create a thought that...Is more realistic?...motivates you to improve things?...remsembles what you would say to a friend?...results in positive feelings?
Ethan Kross also has a free 8-step chatter control toolbox you can download.
4. Being realistic: Whether your brain is jumping to conclusions or you are making up disasters, you can halt this spiral by asking yourself a very simple question: "How realistic is my thinking?" If the answer is, eh...this is rubbish, you can take steps to creating more helpful thoughts.
Need some help getting there? This is where I can help you. Get in touch.
