5 minute read
No workplace, no team, no gender, ethnicity, or age group is immune. We didn't manage to leave those bullies on the playground or in school hallways. Right now, they are in workplaces everywhere.
October was National Bullying Awareness Month, which showed us just how prevalent bullying is in our schools, workplaces, and homes. It also showed how acceptable it has become to ignore its effect on people like you. The 'Stop Bullying Movement' wants us to act at the local level to create safe and supportive environments, being kind and working together.
Here, I'm focusing only on one workplace bullying.
We've seen the posters and the section on the intranet explaining how the organisation cares about you and supports no-bullying policies. It's lip service. It's a waste of time, paper, and pixels. If you're being bullied, you'll more than likely not be helped, and the person doing the bullying won't reprimanded.
Why? Bullying covers a wide range of behaviours, and organisations are scared to 'step' into this world because of how it affects people's lives, health, and mental stability. It's too challenging to address because it can be:
- Overt — they ridicule your ideas; others dump their work on you.
- Subtle — you're excluded or repeatedly given menial tasks.
Shedding light on this unsettling reality, 80% of workplace bullies are bosses or supervisors. This unequal power dynamic fuels bullying behaviours. There is an urgent need to reassess management practices and revisit workplace culture and anti-bullying policies.
These statistics serve as a call to action to collectively break the cycle of fear and silence.
IN NEW ZEALAND
Professor Jarrod Haar, Ngāti Maniapoto, Ngāti Mahuta, Massey University, recently conducted research showing that over 90 per cent of the Aotearoa New Zealand workforce has experienced intermittent bullying in the past year. A WorkSafe New Zealand Mahi Haumaru Aotearoa study suggests that one in five and one in three people report bullying or harassment every year.
IN THE REST OF THE WORLD
- It can be as high as 46% or even 55% in India.
- In Germany, it's lower at 17%, and bullying gets little attention or effective action.
- In the United Kingdom, 23% of employees experienced workplace bullying in 2022.
- In 2022
- In 2022, 88% of workers in Canada who experienced harassment and violence were 'transferred, suspended, or fired', and 1 in 4 who reported it said it made it worse.
- In France, it is 7 to 8% of employees, which varies by business line and context.
- In Japan, roughly a third of workers in 2022 experienced workplace bullying
- Go-to experts on the subject, social psychologist Gary Namie and his wife Ruth Namie, a clinical psychologist and founders of the Workplace Bullying Institute, found in the 2021 American Workplace Bullying Survey that 61.3 % of bullying is by the same gender, 79.3 million people are regularly affected, and 43% of remote workers are bulled at online meetings and in emails.
Bullying crosses continents, genders, ethnicities, and age groups.
The behaviours make it complex and challenging to address. Most anti-bullying advice, from 'anger management' to zero-tolerance policies, deals with more overt forms of bullying – the stuff you can see and hear. Covert bullying [withholding information or gaslighting] is rarely considered or addressed.
SPOT THE BULLY
Not a complete list, but with 80% of workplace bullies being bosses or supervisors, I've focused on four types you may meet and the behaviours they exhibit:
1. The public scene stealer – style is aggressive. This bully makes a public scene and instils fear in their target and others, lest they become the next target.
2. Persistent Critic – style is belittling and embarrassing. They scold people regularly or when they decide you fail. They steal your work, and you don't get the credit.
3. The Gatekeeper style involves manipulation and withholding of resources. It sets you up for failure by withholding information, giving you too much work to do quickly, and not inviting you to important meetings.
4. The Two-Headed Serpent – style is unseen meddling. They act like a friend but chip away at you behind your back. You won't realise you are being bullied.
Apart from smashing your self-confidence, bullying can also damage your career. It can hold you back from promotion, stop you from working on meaningful projects and push you into grunt work.
We now know that most bullies are leaders. People tend to trust the loudest voice in the room, and their negative stance, particularly about you, can lead a conversation.
TACTICS TO MANAGE YOUR BULLY
It's hard to confront them, but there are some things you can do. Craft your story about who you are and what you can do, and it is better than a stand-up confrontation [you'll lose]. Here are a few tactics to try:
1. The tall poppy syndrome doesn't exist: As a coach, I remind my clients that they can create their narrative better than the bully. You have the back story. I tell clients: "Even if they see you as a threat, they rarely have control over your performance".
2. Do the rooftop stomp: Speak up and take the job– whatever it is. Tell them what you have done in the past and how your approach could be used, albeit reconfigured for this project.
3. You're the 'T' in the team: Jump on this one and seize the opportunity. Raise your voice ever so slightly louder than theirs. People will stop, turn to you and wait for you to speak. It's natural behaviour. Then, hit them with your experience and ideas of how the team could benefit.
4. Yeah/Nuh - passive-aggressive: don't be passive-aggressive or internalise what's happening. Put on your big girl/boy pants and face your bully.
Pick a neutral space and shout them coffee. Be polite and respectful, but let them know you are no longer putting up with it. Use an example of their bullying [without saying the word bullying] and ask them to explain why they did it. Stop talking and wait. Listen to them so you can figure out your next steps.
5. Document the abuse: Every email, every response to your work, every document they have tracked changed and conversations you've had. Keep an incident journal and who was involved. Record factual details of the situation and file emails as evidence.
6. Talk to your manager or HR: Frame the conversation around your desire to add more value to the team or the company. Ditch the emotion if possible. Don't get personal. Be prepared—know what you want this person to do.
- Are you asking them to talk to this person for you?
- Can this person let you report to someone else?
If workplace bullying is your reality, facing it is the only way to change it. Setting clear expectations and a goal will keep you on track. You're not complaining; you're seeking a solution to a real problem.
The statistics are real and frightening: they affect thousands of employees every day! Communication empowers employees to speak up, and implementing strong anti-bullying policies will result in inclusive and balanced workplaces. What is good for the employee is good for the organisation.
I specialise in helping clients chart a new path when they are being or have been bullied. Most of my clients do not know it is happening to them and can't understand why they feel marginalised and unhappy.
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